- He's written from America. - What's he say?
- They eat everything out of cans over there.
The first image of Rome was a centuries-old stone...
...rising out of the fields just outside my hometown.
Later on, at school, we were told other interesting things about Rome.
- This is the Rubicon...
...the river Julius Caesar crossed, saying, " Alea iacta est!"
- Take off your shoes, children. - Take off your shoes...
...and we'll cross the river together.
Alea iacta est!
- To Rome. - To Rome!
"Now we've got another meanie by the name of Mussolini."
"Julius Caesar took a chance and led his army into France."
"In those days the French were Gauls and Caesar a man with balls."
Bring me then Metellus Cimbers's petition and I shall examine it.
And now, hands, speak for me.
You too, Brutus.
My son.
Julius Caesar.
- Sir, if I may say so, last night you had us all in tears.
It was a real artistic performance.
Eternal gratitude to our humble webfooted friends.
To our humble webfooted friends with their excited quacking...
- It is always that one, sir. Always the same one.
...woke the soldiers who picked up their weapons and saved Rome.
And you can hear their descendants quacking right outside the window.
- Careful, now. Careful.
- Return to your seats.
- I won't tolerate any disorder. Back to your seats, for Heaven's sake!
- You are not out in the streets now. - You're in school!
- Barbetti! Stacchiotti! Barilazzi! I'll beat you to death, by God!
In saecula saeculorum, amen. On your feet.
Rings.
Napkins.
Dismissed.
- Silence. Order.
- Order and silence.
The bronze she-wolf at the Capitol.
Santa Maria Maggiore, one of the four Roman basilicas.
The tomb of Cecilia Metella on the Appia Antica.
The Arch of Constantine.
The altar of the fatherland.
St. Peter's, Holy Mother Church's greatest temple.
- Turn it off! Turn on the lights!
- The lights!
- Don't look, children. Close your eyes. It's the devil.
- Whoever looks will go to hell. Keep your eyes closed.
- It's the devil! The devil! - Good Lord! Quiet!
- But church bells are the voice of God.
- We should turn on the radio, signora.
- There's a blessing from the Pope. - Just bring the soup here, you idiot!
- Stay where you are! - But, Severino, it's a papal blessing.
- So put it on the table!
- Shame on you. You'll go to hell. - Stay where you are.
- On your knees. Don't pay attention to your good-for- nothing father.
- Damn it!
- For heaven's sake, folks, there's no need to push. We've got enough seats.
- Three adults, two children and one maid. What?
Full price for a maid? Well, I'll be damned.
- Shut up! - Adele, keep an eye on your brother.
- Carmela, the baby!
- Hang on to my coat and follow me. Excuse me. Pardon me.
- Besides, there's three shows today. Come back later.
May the gods smile upon you, Pompeo.
I have come to bid you farewell.
With what adventures, Priscilla the Christian?
I have a generous nature. But vengeance is a temptress.
- Be on your guard, both of you. - And yet, I love her.
No, no, have mercy!
I beg you, mercy! Let me go!
- There are some seats. Hurry! Adele! - Leonina! You sit over there.
- My wife's purse was on that seat. - Purses don't count.
- Carmela, the baby!
- Sir, you are an ill-mannered boor, that's what you are.
- And you don't seem to realize who I am. I'm the school principal, that's who.
- The principal, understand?
Rome. The parade of October 28 was in an atmosphere of enthusiasm.
The entire city was there to greet our leader and proclaim its faith...
...in the glorious and indomitable destiny of the imperial fatherland.
His Excellency S. De Carolis took part in the jump through the hoop.
- What a man.
At the end, sons of the she-wolf, those young italians...
...have defiled before the high audience with ceremonial march...
followed by a box lunch which included bread...
...famous national cheeses and piping red tea.
Florence. Nhe magnificent stone walls of the Pitti Palace...
...seem to smile beneath the warm, spring sunshine.
This lady was the wife of the local druggist.
Everyone said she was worse than Messalina.
And no need to play with yourself. That's what's nice about Rome.
It's big and nobody knows you. You are free to come and go.
- What about the Roman women? What are they like?
- The Roman women? They've got an ass as wide as that.
- Quit fucking around and get out of my way.
Don't worry. I'm going.
Get your lottery tickets here.
- Hey, kid, need a lighter? - No, thanks. I've already got one.
- I'll give you, as a present, a bolt of fiirst-class English wool.
- Got a place to sleep tonight? - In Via Albalonga.
- I have a room with your own entrance and a cute little French girl.
- No.
Hotel Dragoni. Hotel Dragoni!
Hotel Roma!
Bed and breakfast! Bed and breakfast!
I don't beleive it! How's you got here?
- Veal at four lire a pound. What's this world coming to?
- There are only two things you can be sure of.
- That's right. Death and taxes.
- I'm looking for the Palletta family. - Fourth floor.
The elevator's broken.
- David, I'm gonna beat the hell outta you.
- There, stupid!
- Au... It hurts! - You always do it wrong.
- Where can I fiind the Palletta family?
- Thank you.
- He says to me, "You kidding me or are you really stupid?"
- "What do you mean?"
- And he says, "Aw, come on. You must be kidding." I say, "What do you mean?"
- So? - What do you mean, so?
The solemn military and religious rites at the tomb of the unknown.
- I'm gonna throw the cat out the window!
His Excellency Count Racobelli attended and Mons. Troisi Ragusa...
...was there to represent the Holy Sea.
- Hey! Listen.
- Hi. Can you call your mother?
- Hello?
- Anybody home?
- Signora?
- Antonietta! I did it!
- Stay there a minute. I'm coming.
- I did it! I did it!
- Signora, that young man is here...
...the one whose mother wrote you from up north.
Shall I let him in?
- How do you do? - I was making pasta. Let me help you.
- Come in. Come in, please. - Thanks.
The signora's not feeling very well. Come on. This way.
One of her ovaries is inflamed.
We'll just set it down here, all right? Come on. I'll show you the house.
Come in, come in.
- I hope you don't mind children, 'cause there's a lot of them living here.
This is the dining room. Florentine furniture. Nice, huh?
- That's the signora's eldest son. - Who is it?
- He's gonna work as a clerk.
- Why did you have to go to the beach? - How do you do?
- Why shouldn't I have gone? - Did you have to go at noon?
- When, then?
- My poor baby.
- A bad sunburn, huh? Do you have a fever?
- I think so, yeah.
- Nice shirt you got there. - Thank you.
- You afraid of Chinamen? He is one and he does not have kitchen privileges.
- My God, it stinks in here. Why don't you open the window when you cook?
- Bucatini matriciana sauce. You like eat?
- No, thank you. - Very good. Delicious.
- Let me out of here before I throw up.
- Bucatini matriciana. - Yeah, for pigs.
- Signora, shall I show him the kitchen?
- Yes, honey, show him the kitchen.
- Oh, my God! What have I done to deserve such suffering?
- The kitchen's this way.
- After you. - No, please, after you.
- Antonietta, I did it!
- I did it! I did it!
- All right, so you did it. You don't have to broadcast it.
- Just a moment.
- Ciao. - Good afternoon.
- What did you bring me? - Nothing, yet. What do you want?
- How about you? You think there'll be a war?
- Wanna see the little granny? - Sure. That's why I came.
- Follow me.
She's littler than us kids.
- Little granny! Look who's here!
- Bless you. - Thank you, and same to you.
Bet you don't have that granny. Bet you don't have that granny
- What's this? - This is my room.
I haven't tidied up yet.
- It's nice and sunny. - Will you put down those scissors!
- Good afternoon. Landi's the name. Marco Landi.
- Remember me? - Don't think so.
- I made my debut with Camerini and I worked a lot with Gennaro Righelli.
I play the part of the bon vivant.
- I was the butler in Heartthrob. - Yes, of course.
- But you're much too young to remember. - No, I do. I really do.
- By the way, you're a journalist, aren't you?
- I could give you an interview if you want. - Sure, except I'm not working yet.
- My friends, we have a journalist among us.
- Hello. - Hello.
- I presume you will be staying here. - Enjoy your meal.
I refuse to believe that the people of Great Britain, always friends...
...feel it their duty to lead Europe into a catastrophe...
...by defending an African nation.
- The resemblance is frightening.
Universally branded and without the shadow of any kind of civilization...
...against this nation of heroes, artists, poets, saints, navigators.
- What do you want, Ma?
- Send the young man in here. I want to have a look.
- Antonietta, she wants to see him. - All right, miss.
Shall we go?
If the Mediterranean is a shortcut for England...
...and a permanent zone for Russia, for us Italians it is like itself.
- Wow... hurts! - Let You keep still for a minute. May I come in?
- May I come in? - Yes, and bring him with you.
- You're so young and distinguished-looking too.
You'll like it here.
I'm sure your mother wrote me, you know. Poor woman.
- Did you show him the house? - Of course, and he liked it too.
- Good. You look like a nice boy. That's all. You can go now.
One more thing before I forget.
Look me in the eyes, boy. There's to be no fooling around in this house.
We're churchgoing people. We respect others and want respect in return.
- I wouldn't come to your house and do anything dirty.
- So let's live in peace and not bust each other's balls.
- Ma, I don't want to eat today.
- Aren't you hungry, baby?
- May I lie next to you, Mama.
- My God, why couldn't you stay home?
- Where is our chicken?! You want me to throw you in the oven?
- And then we shall go also to osteria.
- Hey! We were ordering roast!
- Put it on the head of yours, sucker!
- Hey! Sit down with us.
- Marcello, give him a chair. You're family now.
- I'll put him with these friends, okay? - Was it good?
- Pasta is delicious...
- No, you don't. I'll put the baby here.
- Go on. Bring the chair.
- You know the saying: "The devil takes whoever eats alone."
Bucatini matriciana, cannolicchi cheese and pepper, penne in hot sauce.
- Have the penne in hot sauce. - Let me make up my own mind.
- What do you think? - Take my advice. Cheese and pepper.
- Cheese and pepper sauce. I already had it for lunch. What else is there?
- How about rigatoni in anchovy sauce?
- All right, spit out that gum. You're gonna eat now. And you keep still.
- Fettuccine with chicken giblets, and then there's our specialties:
- Kidneys, tripe, snails, veal. - Maybe the schiaffoni?
- I may try them. Give me a small portion because I had trouble...
...with my stomach all night long.
- Take my advice. Have the ajata. - What's that, ajata?
- It's udder fiilled with milk.
- Remo, don't forget this young gentleman.
- Here, eat some of these. They're not snails. They're pigeons.
- Giggetto, where are the bananas? - Sorry. We're all out. Only got one.
- Then give me that one. - You think I am crazy to tear it off myself?
- Who's that, Lallo's daughter? - Whose do you think, the priest's?
- She that big already? Isn't she cute? Can't tell her face from her behind.
- I dreamt about poor Aunt Judy last night and asked her a winning number.
- Then she fried this broccoli with a mint leaf. You should have tasted it.
- You know what they say: "The more you eat, the more you shit."
- I told you not to let him eat any tripe. He's had a fever since then.
- All right, then give him a couple of snails.
- But it almost killed him. - Then I guess it'll kill me too.
- Give her something to drink so she'll shut her trap.
- Cheers! - Go on. Drink up.
- Hey, Fernanda! Fernanda! Come on down!
- Will you forget about it and get down here?
- Come here before I beat the hell out of you. Come on.
- Tell your sister to get down here before I throw her off that balcony.
- Talk about a small portion. This plate's empty.
Me too, me too, me too, me too...
- Here, kid. Enjoy your meal, folks. - Thanks.
- Bon appetit. - Thank you. Say thank you.
- Slowly. Don't eat so fast or you'll choke to death.
- Nobody's going to steal your plate.
- Something's been sitting on my stomach since yesterday morning.
- Tell me something. - You like soccer?
- Silvano! Silvano! Here she is! I brought her down.
- Finally.
- Here she is, everybody. "Fernanda, the queen of Sulkers" has arrived.
What-- - Now what's the matter?
- Come on. Let's make up. Come on. - Just leave me in peace.
- Open that sweet little mouth of yours. Come on. Open it.
- You silly, stupid shit. - You're the stupid shit.
- Not me. You. That's who. - You are both stupid shits.
- Too much mint leaf in the snails, Rosa.
- Is that so? - And not enough peppers.
- Taste these, one of our most popular specialties.
- I'll show you how. Watch carefully.
Here we are. Ah, that is good.
- One bite of these and you're up like a shot. Ask your girlfriend.
- I never eat snails in restaurants.
- Only when I cook them myself because I soak them for four days fiirst.
- You can suck them clean. Not those.
- In Rome we say, "No matter what you eat, it all turns to shit."
- It does not matter what you shit. Matters how. Excuse me.
Mary had a little sheep with the sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram Mary had a little lamb
- Where'd she learn those? Will you listen to that.
- Some mother you are, teaching her that stuff.
- You taught her, not me.
- What do you mean me? I didn't teach her nothing.
Pinocchio's nose was long as long as Pinocchio's dong
- Maestro, give me a "la."
- Sing this one with me.
- All right, all right, I'm coming. Torquato, bring this guy a drink.
- Cough up some money for the orphans. - We gave last year.
- Give me that. I'll serve them. How about this, huh?
- And you better eat it all. We don't believe in leftovers.
- Look at that.
- Will you keep still!
What about the Rome of today?
What impression does it make on the visitor arriving for the first time?
As arriving by car from the highway...
...and taking the inevitable raccordo anulare...
...which circles the city like one of Saturn's rings.
- Scaratti at quarterback?
Christ! We'll never win.
- Five to zero. How do you like that? - You should've stayed in bed.
- Where the hell are they going?
- How long will it take? It's gonna rain. - We're ready.
- Tough life, eh, boys? - Hold on tight.
Hey, you motherfuckin' gypsies, we're gonna stomp the shit out of you today.
Go get your sister and we'll bust her cherry for her.
- Can you hear me? - Raise the boom as high as you can.
Move! Move! Move!
Kick the ruling class out on its ass!
- Tell me what you see. - Piazza di Siena.
- I've got a tourist bus coming. Shall I shoot it?
- Yeah, see if you can.
- You want a picture? I take it for you. - Oh, thanks.
- You very bella. Can make a nice picture.
There. Don't move. Smile.
- What are you framing now?
- Domes and bell tower. - It's beautiful. I see the whole city.
The piazzas, the streets, people on their way to work.
- If you see people on their way to work, it ain't Rome.
- Get lost.
- You're up so high you must be seeing another city.
- That's what they say about Romans, and here we are sweating blood all day.
- This isn't Rome anymore. Everyone's gone crazy. Too much of a hurry.
They've become mean. The true Romans have disappeared.
You don't think so? Just take a look around.
All you see are fiilthy hippies, students who don't want to study...
transvestites, drug addicts, trash of all kind.
Don't forget this fiilm will be seen abroad.
If you show the perverts, the street whores, negative aspects...
...what are they going to think of our lovely Rome?
- What is it?
- He wanted to ask you if your fiilm would show of Rome...
...the important and eternal problems faced by modern-day society.
- And we're not only referring to the problems in the educational system.
As the working world, with problems in the factories, in housing.
We wouldn't want to see the same old colorful Rome, easygoing, messy.
- The usual bland and commercial image. - That's not the only Rome.
- But I think a person should be true to his own nature.
- Pino, what do you see now? - The station and a small dome.
- Yeah, it must be the dome of the old Barafonda Theatre.
That's what I'd like to recall --
a variety show at the Barafonda Theatre...
how it was thirty years ago, at the beginning of the war.
- Hey, shit-face! - You here too, huh?
- Will you move your big feet.
- What do you say, Spino? How's it hangin'?
- Give me a light, will ya?
- Just 'cause you ate some glass don't mean you're a window.
- He can't help it. He's never seen one before.
- Don't look too hard. You might hurt yourself.
- Take 'em away.
- Hey, Ciriola, how do you like that? - Man, she sure is built, huh?
- Hey, Pericles! Pericles!
- Ding-Dong. What do you want? - Shove that spotlight up her ass.
- Here I am, ladies and gentlemen. Good evening.
Most comedians start things off with a joke or two before their routine.
- Hey, get off the stage.
Well, I don't tell jokes because I'm not very good at it.
- So if you don't mind I'd like to present a few of my imitations.
After my successful tour of Marino Roccasecca, Frascati, Zagarolo...
...I was greatly honored to perform for the royal police force.
- All right, shall we begin?
- The fiirst imitation is that of a man who has eaten too much.
- I said get off the stage.
- What's the matter, you deaf? The man said get off.
- Sit down, you big loudmouth. - Second imitation.
A young lady having a shower. Maestro!
- Hey, do us a big favor and go away, will ya?
- Yeah, go away!
- Why? I've got just as much right to make a living as everybody, don't I?
- Just disappear. - All right, if you don't go, we will.
- We'll pretend we enjoyed the act and you pretend it's over. Okay?
- I'm what's known as "stile. " - Stile, achmile, you stink too.
- Here you have the modern-day saturnalia, the variety show.
As you can see, it is a combination of circus maximus and brothel.
- Listen, if you're going to start talking dirty, I'm leaving.
- What did I say? I mentioned a brothel.
Even Proust, in the recherche...
...gives us a lengthy description of a house of ill repute.
- Oh, you and your damned Proust.
- But I've got to work like everyone else.
Yes. So go out and fiind a job.
- Hey, Maestro, strike up the band.
- I bet they've constipation.
- Will you shut your trap? - You guys are really making me laugh.
- I'm laughing so much it hurts.
- Goddamn bastards. Won't let decent people enjoy an evening of theater.
- That man's a real artist, lady. - Get lost.
I heard a little noise
Coming from the audience
- Get lost!
- Listen, lady, what do you want from me?
- Certain people shouldn't be allowed in here.
- I bought a ticket to enjoy the show. So just shut up and leave me alone.
- What are you trying to do? Ruin everybody's evening?
- If you're not having fun, go home and play with yourself.
- Kiss my ass.
- There. - Madam, really!
- You ought to be ashamed of yourself. - He's only human.
- We're all humans, but we don't go around doing that.
- He's gonna get my purse right in his face.
- What a son of a bitch.
- All right, you asshole. I'm gonna bust your head.
- You nuts or something? I didn't do it. It wasn't me.
- I saw you throwing those beans at me. - Again? I told you it wasn't me.
- I'm gonna rip your arms off. Gonna rip 'em both off.
- Pipe down, baldy.
- Hey, Maestro, see your nots for better.
- Fuck You! - Will ya?
- Here, put it up your ass.
- And now for the best part, everybody. Quiet.
For the Amateur Hour.
- Where'd that big guy go? The tall one with all those muscles?
- He was right here a minute ago.
- Somebody shrink you? - No.
- Born premature? - Yes.
- If you ask me, this guy was born before he was conceived.
- What's your name? - Alvaro.
- And what do you do? - Tap dance.
- Yeah, but what do you do besides that? - I'm an electrician.
- An electrician. And you learned how to dance from all those shocks.
- Okay, ladies and gentlemen, Alvaro!
- An imitation of Fred Astaire.
- Help!
- I feel sick!
- Help!
- I feel sick! Help!
- Hey, Chiodo, it's here.
- Here it is. Here it is.
- Give me it. Give it here.
- Let me have it. Go on.
- Make yourself a fur coat, Fred Astaire.
- That's what you had for dinner, huh? Double-time, Maestro.
- If you'd thrown it at me, you would have eaten it for sure.
- Suck at your father! - At least he wasn't queer like yours.
- Same to you. - I'll take care of you later.
- Come here, honey. Come over here.
- What's your name? - Loredana Fiorini.
- And what are you gonna sing? - "You Stole My Heart."
"You Stole My Heart." Wiseass.
- Get back in the toilet, you big piece of shit.
- You have a match, young man? I really don't know why they let her sing.
- Wouldn't you be better off at home, doing the dishes, girlie?
- Thank you.
- Whatever happened to talent?
- I feel sorry for the poor girl.
- Hope I didn't disturb you.
- We'd like to talk to you for a minute. - What do you wanna talk to me for?
- Just for two minutes.
- You must have me mixed up with someone else.
- I didn't do nothing. You're making a big mistake.
- Go on. Move.
- Ladies and gentlemen, the three Kants.
I said Kant and not what your dirty minds are probably thinking.
"Trotta Cavallino"!
- Shut up!
- You'd like to hear "Trotta Cavallino"?
- I like it. Nice song.